Sprout #1

Seeking God Within the Goal

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During my study of Hosea earlier this week I read about God’s displeasure with the people of Israel as they continued to disobey him in their worship of false idols. I remember reading the scriptures and marking down a simple note: “what are the idols in my life that are distracting me from the Lord?”

Yesterday morning I had a terrible run, full of soreness, fatigue, and anger at my aching body. I’ve been training for a half marathon for five weeks now & the occasional bad run has been both insanely discouraging & insanely frightening. I’ve spent most of the last month fearing that I’ll injure myself and not be able to complete my goal; that I’ll let myself down by not living up to the expectations I’ve set. After talking to God this morning I realized two things:

1. Training has become an idol in my life. It’s something I obsess over, plan my day around, and think about constantly. How can I improve? Why do my legs hurt? Am I injured or just sore? What should I be eating and how much? Running is something I absolutely love doing but somewhere along the way I let the enemy turn my determination into doubt. I think the majority of my insecurity comes from the knowledge that God’s plans don’t always align with our own. Because this is a goal I’ve set for myself I often worry that it may not be a part of His plan for my life and that something is bound to happen to throw me off course. I know His plans are good & meant to bring prosperity, I know that He protects us from harm & rescues us from danger - so what if the plans I’ve made are harmful instead of prosperous and He wants to deter me from them? I found that I could get stuck on this loop of fear forever or I could actively put into practice the beliefs I’ve held for fifteen years. Rather than trying to micromanage every detail and idolizing my training, I can lean in & trust Him to guide me where I’m supposed to go. If I truly believe that His way is better than mine (and I do), then the only thing I have to worry about is listening to where He wants me to go. The details of exactly what that path looks like - well, those are best left up to the leader not the follower.

2. I’ve been relying on my own strength and pride rather than seeking God within the goal. Don’t get me wrong, I’m excited about the accomplishments and progress I’ve made in my running and I believe it’s perfectly fine to celebrate the victories we push ourselves to achieve. But when that achievement becomes more personal that spiritual we run into problems. At the end of the day I have to remember that my strength comes from a higher place and that all the things I accomplish are meant to glorify the One who made them possible. In cheering myself on I become blind to the blessings He’s lavished upon me throughout this season. Early in my training when I was worried about running in the rain and a 90% chance of storms decreased to 0% in under an hour; a dad and brother in law who are experienced distance runners, able to give me tips on how best to prepare for a race; a phone call from my mom during the last bit of the longest run I’ve ever done that ended with us celebrating 8 miles together in the moment; a new community of believers who’ve decided to train for a race in April with whom I can share encouragement and draw comfort from; a bracelet on my wrist that reminds me in the middle of every run that God has made me strong. These are all provisions from the Lord that I had let the idol of my life distract me from. In a time where I should be drawing nearer to Him, asking for strength and also trusting in Him to provide it, I only focused on the former. I’d been praying for goodness but refused to open my eyes to it because I wanted it to be about me and not Him.

I went on a run today. I was a little slower, still sore and achy, but I finished. In the middle of the run I broke into a huge smile and silently said thank you to my Savior - thank you for an able body, thank you for good weather and a beautiful campus, thank you for giving me the strength to pursue my goals. But most of all, thank you for showing up in my goal and changing it for the better; for being faithful to the promise of prosperity; for reminding me that when my plans don’t go as I intended it’s because you have something even better in store.

XOXO,

B

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